He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dick very happy bro
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
