Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
