as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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