I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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