lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
