Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
