Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize