I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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