youre lurking in front of me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
