i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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