good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
