I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
