A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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