Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
