How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
