I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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