i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
