it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
