My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
