youre lurking in front of me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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