If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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