just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
