Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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