Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
