He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Watching her eat just hurts me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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