carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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