It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
