You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
