My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
