he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
