grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
