Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
