you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
