i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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