i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
