I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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