all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
