i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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