I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize