My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
