can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
