She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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