Soap is not a condiment
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
