anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
