I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
