As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
