Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is wine microwaveable?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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