The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
