also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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