I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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