What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
