come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
