you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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