The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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