if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
