totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
