She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
