We got so high we made milksteak
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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