ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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