you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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