so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
