It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
