i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
