i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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