Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize