Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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